A Broken Heart

*I am aware I haven’t posted lately. I’ll be honest and say it was the farthest from my mind with the way my summer went. I am going to try and be more active, but I find with the terrible events that continue to plague the world, I find myself farther and farther away from the internet, because I just can’t handle the hatred, death and destruction that is everywhere. I’m in no way putting my head in the sand, but I just needed a break for my heart. Besides a family tragedy, I am also seeing so much hurt to so many people I know. My home, these towns that I am in all the time have had several terrible events, from a tornado, to a small child being murdered, to a long past mystery being solved, and most recently, last night, a mass stabbing that put a mall on lock down for hours. I am having a terrible “that could have been me” moment today, as I had been planning to go to the mall that day, but changed my mind at the last moment. I know I am not alone in that feeling, as my Facebook feed has been blowing up with it in the past twenty-four hours. What do we do in a time like this? When everything we knew is crumbling to the ground? What can we take comfort in, when we feel like something can happen to you at any moment? I know that this initial shock will wear off, and we will move forward. We have to. I refuse to live in a fear induced haze that will take me down. I refuse to let the anger win. I refuse to let the hatred wreck my heart. I refuse to stand on the wayside while life continues, because of fear at what has and will happen. I refuse. I refuse. I refuse. Life does go on. We get stronger. We build ourselves up again. We wear our pain, and in that pain we draw on others strength and love. I want to be able to be one someone draws strength from. But to do that I must get up. I must go on myself. I must be better than I was yesterday, and be more tomorrow than I am today. I will be that person. We will be those people. But while the pain is still so fresh, the fear still so evident, I will give my heart a break. I will take tonight to hold my friends and family close. I will pray for those who have been affected by these tragedies the most. Tomorrow I will try to make the world a better place, tomorrow I will move forward. Because tomorrow is a new day. Please for me tonight , hold your loved ones close. Look at the beauty in the world, not just the pain. Find a reason to love instead of hate. For me, please.